My last post was in August. Let me explain why:
It’s incredibly easy for me to say 2017 has been the most enduring, yet rewarding year I have ever experienced. The year began travelling to Chicago minutes after the countdown. It was a one-day layover that eventually carried me to Asia, where I spent two weeks meeting new people, making new friends, and experiencing new moments in both Korea (Distance pt. 1 on YouTube) and Japan (Distance pt. 2). Coming back to Canada I was energized and ready to head back into studio to add some finishing touches for my band’s newest song “Clockwork”. I also started to learn the Korean language more seriously. Investing in books, practising with native speakers and putting time aside for lessons.
The next few months were spent preparing for our Eastern Canada Tour in May. In March we shot a music video for Clockwork ourselves- it became a DIY project that we eventually scrapped. During the easter weekend in April, I took an impulsive trip to Korea (for the second time) in an attempt to sort out an inconvenience I had been dealing with since January. Before the band was able to head out on tour, we received an alarming email from the producer who had worked on Clockwork with us. After a few back-and-forth interactions regarding the song’s mixing and editing, the producer decided to terminate the contract we had, putting our song in a production limbo- a perpetual state where the song could neither progress or regress any further. It was an issue we decided to deal with after tour, as it was closely coming by.
The Eastern Canada tour went very well for us as we met a surprisingly large amount of fans, played in completely new environments and even had a few horror stories to return with. The tour went much smoother than our US tour in 2016. A large contributing factor was the experience we gained from the previous run. It really deciphered what we as a family should and shouldn’t be doing on tour as well as establishing a unique flow that worked for us every date. The vehicle we used for this tour in Canada was also a stable one, which carried us throughout, and without issues. We were able to return peacefully with enough footage to make the YouTube video “Limbo”, featuring an unreleased RHD song we’ve been sitting on for a while.
During the tour, I was undergoing a few personal issues with my life connecting to the earlier Korea visits in January and April. A pseudo long-distance relationship I had been hanging on to with a girl had been slowly unwinding overtime, with the final thread cut towards the end of the tour. I returned home empty; the loud noises, the cheering fans, the autographs, the consistency of seeing my favourite people day in and day out- all those, along with the “relationship” I had, had ended once I stepped out of the van and into my house. Everything was quite. I had suffered from mild depression.
For the first time I downloaded a dating app.
We went into studio with our trustworthy producer Mike Evola (who worked with us on our “Wanderer EP”) in July to fix everything involving “Clockwork”. Essentially we had to record everything from the ground up. The first song off our new album had finally been officially recorded! It seemed like I was getting out of depression as time went by- I was focused on writing new RHD songs, been casually talking to people on the dating app, and the weather was warm enough for me to distract myself outside with friends.
Within the same month (literally two days after studio), I came home from work to a crowd of firetrucks outside my house. While I was at work my landlord had accidentally caused a fire in the kitchen, which severely affected the adjacent rooms as well as the basement where I lived. There was a hole in the roof, my bedroom was flooded, and my doors were wide open. I was panicked to wonder where my cat had went. Eevee has a habit of running out of doors as soon as one would open. The thought of losing my cat, after a tour had finished and a foreign connection had ended, would have destroyed me. I was worried that she had either ran away or was injured in the fire. She was found hiding in my room under my bed, shaking and wet from the flood. My mother and I had to evacuate and find a temporary place to stay. It was difficult to find a place for myself and Eevee. People were either allergic, didn’t want ruined furniture or already had a pet that couldn’t get along with mine. I was helpless until Lauren stepped in and offered her place for a weekend. Her generous offer took a load off my mind for a few days. After the weekend I transferred to another friend’s house in Markham. She already had a cat, which would have been a problem for Eevee, but the space was big enough to divide the two felines. I stayed there for about a week while experiencing painful commuting hours getting myself to work downtown Toronto. I was exhausted over what had transpired during the last few weeks. I uninstalled the app.
An opportunity came up where I housesat for a friend’s friend’s place as they went on a backpacking vacation. I had an entire place to myself for two weeks and I made use of it; I was on my own for the first time, lived conveniently near a subway station, and I was within walking distance to most of my friends. Things were looking up and I was able to meet somebody outside of a dating app. The conversations were excellent and the feelings were present but under our circumstances I knew there would be no future. I was feeling unsure with her and her inability to meet. My time living alone was coming to an end and I reinstalled the app. Paul, a great friend of mine who lived within walking distance (and who also came with us on Tour), offered me to stay at his place for as long as I needed. I accepted the offer and moved in once the housesitting had finished. On the morning of my last day I turned on the app and made a few swipes. It wasn’t long until my eyes had caught sight of someone. My heart was beating and my palms were sweaty, my knees were weak and my arms were heavy (Mom’s spaghetti). I knew I couldn’t continue my day until I sent a message telling how I felt about her. The app wouldn’t let me send a message, so I had to find an alternative route.
She responded.
I moved into Paul’s place where I spent an entire month searching for a permanent place to stay, talked to a girl online, and drank wine while playing PS4 with Paul. I was happy again. On a Sunday I went out for an apartment viewing downtown Toronto. I sent a message to the girl about the weather and how we should take advantage of it. She agreed and plans were made to meet after my viewing. We met at the corner of a street where we shook hands and walked to a nearby restaurant. Our conversations were seamless and exciting! There wasn’t a single moment where we didn’t know what to say. Something felt right and I went home with a smile on my face. Paul and I had more wine that night.
We went on our first date the Thursday after. At the end of the night, we fumbled at her front door just in time for her birthday. It had been a while since going on a (proper) date and it showed as I naturally didn’t know what to say or do in front of her. After dropping her off I arrived home knowing there was something special about her. RHD went back into studio early August to record 2 more songs for the album. “Yokai” and “Solace” are the demo names we’re currently using for them. While I was tracking drums, she was out camping. The next thursday, her and I met again for another date, this time going for a scenic location to have a picnic. We had long discussions about life and death, love and loss, and many other intriguing subjects. They were really though-provoking discussions that really contrasted with the gossip I use to hear from my ex. The night ended with me telling Paul (over wine, of course) my worries over how I might have actually “found a great thing” and I didn’t want to mess it up.
“Tyson, stop worrying. If you really want this… then she will come back to you.”
Over the next few weeks, her and I sent longer messages, had longer phone conversations, and met more frequently. It was clear a relationship was building, but I was still in denial until this happened (I told you I’d explain why my last post was in August). By this point I had finally found an apartment to move into. It was with Rochelle, an acquaintance I met during the Eastern Canada tour earlier in the year. Her and I would be moving in to a newly renovated apartment in September. One weekend, the girl I had been messaging with went to a cottage with a few friends. Her entire time spent at the cottage was on the phone messaging me. I had to fight my imagination and put trust in what she was doing at the cottage. When she returned home from the cottage she messaged me wanting to meet. I was at Rochelle’s helping her plan and organize the move day, which I flocked over to my crush’s apartment after most of the details with Rochelle were settled. At her apartment we enjoyed each other’s company for the entirety of it, and very clear we missed each other. We shared our first kiss and after a month of long messages, late-night phone calls, planned dates, we finally made it official.
Jane, my girlfriend.
September ended with another tour- this time being direct support for Protest the Hero, a band I have been influenced by and have loved for many years since high school. It was a dream come true! The “tour” took place over two weekends and it was an incredibly exhilarating experience to share with my band, and our friends in the other touring bands, The Frame Defect and Earth’s Yellow Sun. What made the two weekends extra fun was already being friends with these individuals in their bands. It was a big hang out each day, ending with a big show each night (some of the nights were sold out). After playing a few shows post-tour, RHD entered studio again the following month to record “Vut Vut”, another addition to the album-in-progress. We had ran into many issues with this song when it came to recording drums. Many changes to the song’s structure and pattern were made before I went into the studio, as well as my severe under-preparedness, contributed to a slower and more frustrating session.
With the woman of my dreams next to me, the following months flew by. Everlasting memories were created together, unconditional words were shared and an endless supply of smiles joyed our sights. I truly found who I was meant to be with and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I’m at my happiest now with the band and my life; RHD filmed a music video in November and it’s currently in the editing stages, I was able to meet Jarrod Alonge- YouTube celebrity and the other half of Lauren’s second band CrazyEightyEight, and I also met Patty Walter- singer for the band As It Is. Their band held a concert in Toronto during their tour and Jarrod brought along us to see his friends.
I sit here reminiscing over the emotionally challenging year I’ve endured and realize everything happens for a reason. I was once a self-proclaimed “wanderer”, trying to figure out where I belong and what my purpose was in other people’s lives. Looking back at my blog, each post talks about finding myself and hints at an internal struggle brewing within my heart- an emptiness I’ve been striving to make whole. It’s safe to say now that I’ve won a major battle within myself and ending 2017 on a positive note. I’ve reached the happiest place I can be since my first entry in 2015.
Whether it was a smile, a handshake, a conversation, or something beyond- you’ve made this year worth living. To all the new people I’ve met this year, and to all they’ve done for me- Thank you.
