There is no arrangement of words more powerful in this modern universe than the phrase we use when parting ways:
“Keep in touch”.
I’ve always found this commonly used idiom to be poetry within itself; it’s the parting words we speak when we plan to, for the most part, remain in contact with the person we are about to separate from. Whether or not the person is speaking in good faith, or to adhere towards a social construct we’ve been taught since a young age is up to interpretation, but the meaning is always the same. With the help of social media and wireless communication it’s always easy to keep in touch, and yet people still fear that we’ll lose contact with our friends.
I’ve recently found myself involved in a similar conversation with different friends on separate occasions, all of them revolving around a central theme of losing friends with the passing of time. In what situation have people experienced, or have heard, that leads them to believe that a friend will lose contact with you? Not even through death or an infinite number of oceans can divide friendships. No argument, animosity, love interest, or scenario can push a person away. It truly worries me that it’s ingrained into people’s mind that contact will be lost. Contact is never lost- it is only postponed.
When a friend moves away to another city, starts a new life in another country, or leaves on a vacation with an indefinite ending, it’s not the end of formal communication. I do agree that people change and eventually drift away as life takes a form in every individual. Different lifestyles will manifest you and others and it will become clear that incompatibility is imminent. But like all pieces of drifting ice, we eventually melt into one pool. Reconnection is fastened with memory, and without memory there is no foundation. Nobody ever “forgets” a person. Instead, I argue that people didn’t remember.
Think about it: You’re sitting in a car, or walking in a store, and a classic song comes on. You haven’t heard the song in well over a decade nor do you even have a copy of the song on your digital media. You sing the entire song front to back, completely aware of every note, cue, word, and melody. When the song finishes you think to yourself “how did I remember the lyrics?”. The answer is that it’s always been in your head, you just never had a reason to access the memory.
You never forgot. You didn’t remember.
Growing up, I was forced to move around to different cities almost every year, with each school year starting fresh with friends. I remember it got to a point where I would cry every time my parents would announce that we were moving yet again. The thought of losing the friends I’ve spent much of my adolescent time creating, being taken away from beneath me. It was something out of my control, but as I progressed in life I’ve found that the world gets smaller. When a familiar name shows up on Facebook, or you notice somebody while walking around downtown you finally realize: You’ve never lost contact with the person, but rather having contact been placed on hold.
With the aid of social media, things get easier with a simple click or a short message sent. As long as the person from your past life is willing to reconnect, you’ll soon find yourself catching up over a few beers, a lunch, or in a park. Things like these occasionally lead to a stronger, new friendship where both minds had a breather and have since developed into good samaritans using empathy and sympathy to fuel the new union. In other cases (as I’ve experienced vicariously through a wedding I recently attended), reconnecting ultimately leads to marriage between two souls who have once coexisted in a previous timestamp. I digress.
To anybody who reads this, and to anybody feeling they might lose a friend over unfolding milestones, I want to impart with you my basic words on friendships:
People come and go but they never leave. In person, they will always be a part of your life. Through death, they will always be a part of your memories. All heat cools over time and all anger eventually subsides. The friends you’ve made, whether you consciously choose to stay in contact with them or not have, in one way or another, shaped you into who you are today. You are the product of the people you meet and they will always be with you through their words and actions. Even if you haven’t spoken to them in years it doesn’t mean they haven’t played the smallest role in your life.
We are the water in different lakes, oceans, seas and rivers. Eventually, we all evaporate into the clouds that reconfigures our new location. Through rainfall, we start a new chapter of our lives in another body of water. The process repeats and we return to the same sky. You are always together and that is the beauty of friendship.
