Unique moments in life are always best experienced with another person. I often argue that the “another person” would be well-suited as either your best friend or your significant other. They’ll usually be the same person- or at least they should be! The ultimate end goal in any relationship is to both find and live through “happiness”, which can be defined with a broad spectrum of ideas and interpretations. Some people seek a happy marriage, or to raise a kid with common spouse, even to own a dog (or cat). Other people want to travel the world, or buy a car, and some even want to settle on quiet land away from wrought and bother. The beauty of life and where it takes you solely relies on how you perceive life itself. It’s the underlying idea to achieve happiness with somebody next to you that makes life all the more worthwhile.
We use the term “love” loosely, without hesitation, while we reserve the word for that one special person during that one special moment. We surrender flowers and chocolates knowing they’re gifts of instant gratification. We focus on achieving the perfect selfie with her/him but never really paying attention to where you are, and how breathtaking some of the sights really can be- You can be in an entirely new country living an adventure but more concerned with what to post on Instagram. Love is strange, yet we all yearn for it.
I’ve never fully grasped the idea of what “love” was supposed to be until I met my girlfriend Jane. I learned there’s always a reason to smile, even when the situation doesn’t call for it. I learned love is receptive just as much as it is transmitted. I learned the virtue in patience and the worth of all things waited for. I learned that materials become invaluable when presence is what matters the most with somebody. I learned the importance of physical contact in times of weakness; to hold somebody when they need you the most, and when you need them as well. I learned the true definition, if not the closest one, to “love.”
Every event experienced with another person can be endearing, and each event can be divided into two different moments; the moment before an event and the moment after; I call this the “moment-event-moment chain.” This chain can easily define segments in your life; The first kiss is split between the nervousness leaning in, and the warmth and fuzzy feelings leaning back. The first date is divided from sweaty palms knocking on the door, and the relief taken in once the door opens. Moments can also come from decisions being made like before the “moment” you and your significant other are debating on whether you want a child, and the moment after when the decision to grow the family happens.
From “like” at first swipe to love at first sight, a moment can even be partitioned between two events further apart in time. I met Jane online and remember each moment before and after an unfolding event. I remember the moments before and after she replied to the first message I had hastily written when I didn’t want to miss an opportunity. I remember the anxiety pumping through my body leading up to the first date, and the weak knees dropping her off at the end of the night. It was summer time and we came back from a long walk from Rec Room, a newly opened “arcade” in Toronto. I remember fumbling through my words trying to finish my sentences. I wanted to tell her a good night while telling her I would like to see her again. My mind was running too quickly for my mouth to deliver and instead I appeared like a stuttering child nervous to ask their teacher a question in front of the entire class. After dropping off Jane I spent the entire night kicking myself telling myself “she probably thinks I’m a loser.”
A few dates later I found myself at Jane’s place exchanging music and having fantastic conversations. She had just got back from a cottage getaway with a group of friends and messaged me for a meet up. We had wine and cheese while showing each other the music we enjoyed. The room was aptly lit and the weather was a perfect balance between summer warmth and nighttime cool-off. These details made for good conditions leading up to our first kiss. I was shy, worried, and breathing heavily. Still, we were leaning towards each other. It almost felt like a scene from a favourite movie- It was at the perfect pace and accompanied with the right soundtrack. The eyes start to close and the first tingle of contact happens: The “moment.” The kiss, the numbness in my hands and the sensation at the back of my neck. Leaning out of our kiss and seeing her with a smile on her face made any weight on my chest lift away. Every question was answered and every colour was visible. She opened her eyes and suddenly I saw someone different. This was the “moment-event-moment” that changed her from the girl I had been seeing on dates to the girl I’ll want to spend the rest of my life with.
When does a girlfriend become a fiancé?
After many moments shared and events unfolding you’re able to easily sit down and think “I’m okay sharing my moments with this person for the rest of my life.” Many people strive to make things culturally appropriate and ask the age-old question. Some people do it simply because it feels right to officiate a title long awaited. When the emotions call for it, and your brain and heart can finally agree whether or not this is love you’re feeling, then it’s easy to ask “will you marry me.” From here we’re able to decipher two clear moments that sandwich an event: the moment you ask, and the moment they reply. This moment can happen subsequently or this moment might take a few hours (if not days) to conclude. After all, it takes time to register and react- moments on moments! The rule is that although a moment must happen after an event, there is nothing that can dictate whether or not the “moment” will be a positive one. Anticipation and endless planning can keep you proactive for an event, but it’s past moments and events that can affect the outcome. Love is strange, yet we all yearn for it.
I had originally wrote this as a perspective piece on how the realization of love can open many opportunities, but the post had eventually mutated into a digression of rules and regulations. These “Laws of Love” can be applied to any type of relationship, and once you’re able to comb over each “moment-event-moment” chain you’re able to find happiness in a relationship- whether it be one from the past or the present, one you’ve been working on or one you’re about to embark on, there is always a chain involved.
I’m truly thankful I’m able to pick out each “moment-event-moment” with Jane and relate it all back to the famous saying “It’s the little things in life.” Without the little doodles, there is no masterpiece. Without love letters there is no wedding vow. A garden cannot blossom if there is no rose. Without a moment there is no event. Most importantly, there is no answer provided where no question has been asked.
Q: When does my girlfriend become my fiancé?
A: When I asked her- and she said yes.
